I've been mulling over this for a good chunk of the day. It's also been on my mind for a few nights this past week, turning into low-level anxiety attacks and insomnia.
I'm stuck. Metaphorically as well as literally. I'm stuck in this vicious cycle that is supposed to be life. At least by our North American standards and the shitty way it has unfolded for my generation.
On this unsustainable system which operates on debt, I'm infinitely stuck. The tunnel curls on itself and doesn't let me see the end - will it ever I ask.
I'm incredibly angry, and incessantly exhausted. I know it's the case for several of my peers - toiling away 50 to 60 hours a week, juggling jobs, trying to make ends meet. For what? To feed into this idiotic system. We get in debt to pay for school, then once we're out of school, we have to pay back our loans. Simple concept, makes a lot of sense. Pair this with an economy that has been stalled for almost a decade, and which apparently is going down the drain yet again - though were we ever able to get back to a stable situation between then and now; no - and you've got a recipe for success. Jobs are hard to get, and when we do have jobs, they pay very little. Trying to live on a small income while paying of student debt is nearly impossible.
In Halifax, for instance, median prices for appartments are $600-700 a month. Unless you live with a ton of other people, or live in a shit-hole, or both. At near-minimum wage, that's almost half of one's income. Add to that utilities, food, and all the other shebang, not much left. And then come the loans. Fuck them. Fuck all of it.
I'm stuck. I can't move forward. I dream of the day when I'll break out of this circle. Step aside, let it roll on, like the wheel of misfortune that it truly is. I want to escape, run away to some faraway place, never come back. Abandon everything behind, and create a new life some new place.
These are only dreams, and probably the only thing worth living for at the moment. Nothing rouses passion like anger. And I'm so angry at my own powerlessness that it fuels my inner fire. I want to destroy everything of that system which keeps us chained. Rebuild anew. Create a world where young people aren't so fucking hindered as soon as they reach adulthood. How are we supposed to build a better tomorrow if we can't even afford our today?
