In just a few days, my contract as a language assistant –
Fremdsprachassistentin is the German title, FSA in short – will be over. It
will be
time to empty my room into my suitcase, put on my boots, give the
apartment key to my roommate and definitely leave this town that I called home
for the past nine months.
As a teenager I dreamed of coming to Germany, I listened
to German music, I painted the flag on my nails. I felt such a strong draw that
when I entered university I started right away with German classes and declared
a German major. Fast-forward a few years, I switched into a double major with
German as my second subject, and successfully graduated from university. From
my very first year in uni, my German professors told me about a programme with
which I could move to Germany and teach English in a school after I graduated.
I applied, I got in. Somewhat following a dream I suppose.
Before I arrived, I didn’t have any specific set of
expectations, so I can’t say that my expectations haven’t been met, or that
they’ve been exceeded. In fact, it’s probably a good thing that I didn’t have
any, because I have been so tremendously let down anyhow. I would have been
utterly shattered if I had had any to begin with.
A few factors have certainly contributed to my
dissatisfaction with the past few months. Though
I want to clear beforehand that I am extremely grateful for the experience, all
the opportunities for travels and the personal growth that resulted from it. I’m
not dissing Germany as a country, I’m not saying don’t go there it sucks. I’m
merely sharing my experience of the country and the programme that I did. So,
the factors are:
1 – I’m in conservative East Germany, because yes, there is still a very distinct division in the mentalities between East and West, and from what I was told, Weimar is actually not too bad compared to other cities in Thuringia.
1 – I’m in conservative East Germany, because yes, there is still a very distinct division in the mentalities between East and West, and from what I was told, Weimar is actually not too bad compared to other cities in Thuringia.
2 – The environment
in which I found myself wasn’t great for meeting, well, anyone. I was
surrounded by kids 10 to 18 years, and by teachers 33 and above. I reached out
on the Bauhaus University facebook page and on couchsurfing, and succeeded in
making a few friends, though it took me months.
3 – I can be
quite shy when out of my element and fettered by a lack of alcohol in my
bloodstream. Plus, German is DIFFICULT, with my insecurities about the language
in the first few months, no wonder I was heading straight for disaster.
The first person who greeted me in my new home was one of
the girls that was living in one of my roommates room in September. I got along
with the girls quite well, although we had some communication difficulties.
The next person that I encountered was my Betreuerin – the
teacher in charge of me – she brought me some basic necessities (sheets, pillow,
blanket, towels..) as well as a map on how to get to the school the next day,
and a book passed on by one of her colleagues titled “how to be German”.
I read all the 50 steps in the book, but they’re not as
much steps as much as pieces of information to understand some aspects of
German culture. No matter how well you understand and value that knowledge, it
doesn’t help you to actually become German.
The first month, I was adjusting to my new surroundings
and I didn’t mind spending a lot of time with only myself for company. Then,
when I grew tired of being alone, I tried to make some more friends. One friend
that I made during the first week here invited me to some evenings now and
then, where I mingled with Germans and realized how absolutely incompatible – and
incapable of carrying a conversation with them – I was.
Thankfully, my purpose in Germany was not only to fail
socially, but also to educate young minds in the terrible language that is English.
The school was really great. It was so fantastic to be working with such a
diverse range of age groups; from the little ones in grade 5 to the borderline
adults in grade 12, through all sorts of teenagers. Personally, the groups I
like working the most with where grades 5 through 7, for three silly reasons.
Firstly, those children are ridiculously adorable, secondly they are still
curious and interested in learning, and thirdly because they were always so
happy to see me, and it’s hard not to crack the biggest smile when you walk in
a class and all the kids shout your name and start clapping. How could I
possibly not like them? I also really enjoyed working with the 12th
graders, because they probably benefited the most from having conversation
groups. I value working in smaller groups rather than larger ones, and the
students were really open and unrestrained in their speech around me – probably
due to our closeness in age and the fact that I don’t really look like a teacher
at all. The teenagers were definitely a mixed bunch; some were absolutely indifferent,
some cracked inappropriate sexual jokes, some were really endearing, some
really impressed me, some really annoyed me. All in all, normal behaviour for
teenagers. It’s incredible to think that I’ve been working at the school since
September and that already, my time at the school has come to an end. I’ll
certainly miss the students (most of them) and the teachers (all of them) with
whom I’ve worked.
My roommates are also very German, in the fact that they
are very nice, but they keep to themselves a lot, and we didn’t really do much
of anything together. (For the first term of university, which ends in
February. In April I had a new roommate with whom I’ve spent time and we get
along well.) Although we share a very small apartment between the three of us,
I can’t say I really know them that well. The apartment itself isn’t exactly conducive
to socializing. The kitchen is ridiculously small, and only has a counter with
two chairs, whereas we are three living here, and there is no living room or
otherwise shared hanging-out space. (It made me realize how much I value the function
of a living room and a kitchen with an actual table.)
Finally, I did make friends with a number of
international students. We went to a metal concert, had some house parties,
went to the opera and the theatre, visited a 12th century castel in
West Thuringia… I had a lot of fun with them, and it made me realize that I was
hanging out almost exclusively with non-Germans, and that the Germans with whom
I spent time had spent a considerable amount of time in Ausland – that’s a
beautifully concise word that means in a foreign country or countries. I haven’t
quite decided if that meant anything yet, but it leaves a very strong
impression. I’m also absolutely not saying that all Germans that spend their
whole life in Germany are jerks to foreigners. I’m simply stating the
impressions that I have gathered by living here.
I wrote my own tips on how to successfully blend into the
German crowd:
1 – Speak the
language perfectly before you arrive (for your own sanity, in the East most
people over 30 never learned English, so speaking German is an absolute must).
2 – Never mention
that you are only there for a definite amount of time (Germans invest their
time very carefully, and if they know that you’re only there for a given amount
of time, chances are that they will decide not to pursue a friendship with you,
because it would be wasted energy…)
3 – Learn that
flirting is taken extremely seriously - so-called casual encounters are unheard
of – only serious relationship are considered, and so, the Germans stick to a lengthy
and complicated seduction ritual that consists of at least three instances of
simple “hallo” and “tschuess” before anymore can be said, and don’t forget it
might take a couple of weeks before the first hi in any case. Don’t despair,
once you’ve reached step 27 – allow around 8 months to get there - you might
get your first kiss, a quick, dry, simple contact of the lips… You get the
picture. (This I learned from another Canadian girl that goes to university
here. I’m not speaking from experience - refer to number 2, I made that mistake
way too many times, and never reached further than step 6, which is still in
the awkward conversation phase.)
Upon examination, I can say that my dissatisfaction with
the German experience stems half from my social awkwardness and the same situation
would probably have unfolded wherever I might have lived in the world, and on
the other half by the German reaction to foreigners combined to their habit of
keeping to their own.
On the bright side, I did get the opportunity to travel very extensively during the many German “Ferien” and many a weekends too. Whenever I ventured out of Weimar to whichever place my wanderlust took me to, I had quite a great time and met really amazing people from all over Europe the world! As much as I might have felt isolated in Weimar at times, I could never have had the same opportunities for travel had I not worked for this programme. So I am very grateful for the experience, and I am now ready to move on to another chapter in my life, which I hope, will also feature lots of traveling and will let me further my personal growth until I am happy with the person that I will have become.
