Toastie-toes, or at least that's the hope

What is dreadful?
Spiders, Milk forgotten in the fridge, dog puke on the carpet, wet cat food... Many things, indeed.
Frozen toes though, they deserve a golden award. Frozen toes five minutes after a shower. Frozen toes that keep you from falling asleep for three hours until they warm up. Someone else's frozen toes in the back of your knees keeping you from falling asleep until they warm up.
So, in an effort to curb this dreaded thing, I decided to make myself some shmancy-shnice-shlippers. I vote we add this word to the Oxford Dictionary. Anyone to second the motion? Anyways, here's how I made these lovelies.

A while back - about a year or so - I came across this picture.

The pattern is just so attractive, and they look so playful. They became the inspiration for my newest pair of warm-feet-envelopes.

From previous experience, I knew that knitting slippers fully out of yarn - especially nice (read expensive) yarn, such as soft wool or other animal fibers - would deteriorate quite quickly on the pressure points under the feet. And require darning just a few short months after being completed. And since I refuse to use phentex, had to come up with a way to reinforce the bottoms. The lady at the yarn store suggested adding a soft leather sole - brilliant. But I thought I'd save myself the effort by dispensing altogether having a knit sole. In the end, I decided to knit an upper, and use suede for the sole. Quite like a simplified version of a mukluk really, which fits really well since I now live in Northern Canada.

And because I don't like doing anything the easy way, decided to come up with my own pattern and everything. I started by knitting a swatch in my chosen yarn, a fine, but not quite sock-weight baby llama yarn, to get my gauge. Once that was established and I measured my foot, I came up with a pattern that would fit nicely. And had fun coming up with a simple design, using two colours and somewhat fair-isle-esque technique.

After spending a few evenings knitting and binge watching documentaries, I had my uppers all done. You know what's really satisfying? Blocking the knitting once it's completed. Getting it to unfurl with the steam, and then lay flat and happy.

Once those had cooled, I seamed them at the back, and knitted a cuff in a bulkier yarn.

Then, while wearing one, I traced around my foot on a piece of paper and came up with an acceptable sole pattern. Which I then cut out of the suede. I'm not sure which animal it is, I'll venture and guess deer?

With an awl, I poked holes about every centimeter along the perimeter of the sole, then whip-stitched the upper to it. With any luck, they should last for a while and keep me toesies warm.
And if not, then I'll add a layer of rabbit fur on the inside.

 And voilà!

The Ambitious Fool

- I hereby declare myself an ambitious fool!
Claimed she in a high and clear voice. Her ambitions had nothing to do with advancement within the societal model she loathed, the gain of power, or the amassment of riches. Grinning widely, she had a silent chuckle and thought about how much of a fool she really was. In short, she liked the idea of undertaking projects devised by her devilish mind. They promised growth of knowledge and sense of accomplishment, as well as a welcome new addition to her portfolio. The only problem she could think of was regarding her might-as-well-call-it-masochistic mind which rejoiced at throwing too much at once into the project pile, and then sitting back to enjoy the chaos that ensued. From experience, she knew that it would always come down to a tug-of-war between the desire need to keep busy and work on fulfilling  tasks and the primal need for quietness and regenerative sleep.

Alas, what could she do but try her best to reach a state of equilibrium between these two, which were demanded so voraciously by her inner self? And so, between the grind of day to day activities such as employment, house chores and a pinch of socializing, she aims to get through her latest list of projects and still get enough rest to not feel like a zombie on a daily basis.

The first step towards the realization of this goal is to limit the amount of time wasted on distractions that actually don't matter. For instance, aimlessly browsing the internet too often.

The second step is to keep a list of the projects that demand to be accomplished, and then arrange them by priority. Hence, here is the list of projects for the month (or two months? It might very well be too much, she is a fool after all, and has a sly keenness to overfill her plate):

- Class plan
- Class display material
- Actual class material
- Chart of scene breakdown for the opera
- Costume list for the opera
- Costume renderings for the opera
- The new scarf project which is, as usual, way too complicated
- Feather-fabric dress
- Two flower crowns for Spring
- High-waisted corduroy pants
- Using up some fabric from the stash for its intended purpose

Nothing is highlighted in red - yet. Orange means that it needs to be completed by the end of March. Yellow indicates that it must be completed sometime in April, possibly. Green denotes mostly personal projects, the ones that would be nice to get to, but if not, it's not a tragedy.
That is a good way to linger in a sane state of mind.

Chasm

Have you ever felt like you were standing on a ledge; at the edge of a chasm; a deep precipice beckoning? Not that you would jump, because there is no need to jump. A simple step forward will catapult you into a new chapter. There is no dropping down, falling, waiting to hit the bottom. But rather, and impression of accelerating through the air, as if propulsed by some invisible force at your back, pushing you further and further away from everything you've known and experienced up to this point in your life.

It's easy. Lift your foot, move it forward, and take that step. Suddenly, tumbling, screaming, laughing, you can't be stopped. What awaits on the other side of the abyss? What mysteries? What new scenarios?

Of course, that's all in your head. Your imagination runs loose and wild, swirling, up and up and around, exploring the possibilities. Oh what an exhilarating feeling! What exuberance!

Grounded. You are grounded, you haven't moved. Still, you linger on the edge. There is only one direction, and that is forward. You cannot go back. Can't retain what was, must embrace what will be. It's terrifying. You breathe slowly, trying to focus your mind on the next step you must take. Still you linger. Always linger. Although you desperately want a new future, a new life, you cannot help but grab at the tatters of your past. Melancholia already has a hold of you. Your fears have their claws buried so deep into your flesh that your feet are glued to the piece of earth on which you are standing.

Any moment now. It takes courage to let go. You feel a movement, a rumble under your feet. You couldn't act fast enough, so the world is pushing you forward. The ground is no longer beneath your feet. your body feels weightless as wind twirls around you. The edge of the chasm on which you were just standing is shrinking rapidly behind you. No point in looking back. Your future awaits.

Good luck to you, my friend.

2016 resolution: Destroy

I've been mulling over this for a good chunk of the day. It's also been on my mind for a few nights this past week, turning into low-level anxiety attacks and insomnia.

I'm stuck. Metaphorically as well as literally. I'm stuck in this vicious cycle that is supposed to be life. At least by our North American standards and the shitty way it has unfolded for my generation.
On this unsustainable system which operates on debt, I'm infinitely stuck. The tunnel curls on itself and doesn't let me see the end - will it ever I ask.

I'm incredibly angry, and incessantly exhausted. I know it's the case for several of my peers - toiling away 50 to 60 hours a week, juggling jobs, trying to make ends meet. For what? To feed into this idiotic system. We get in debt to pay for school, then once we're out of school, we have to pay back our loans. Simple concept, makes a lot of sense. Pair this with an economy that has been stalled for almost a decade, and which apparently is going down the drain yet again - though were we ever able to get back to a stable situation between then and now; no - and you've got a recipe for success. Jobs are hard to get, and when we do have jobs, they pay very little. Trying to live on a small income while paying of student debt is nearly impossible.

In Halifax, for instance, median prices for appartments are $600-700 a month. Unless you live with a ton of other people, or live in a shit-hole, or both. At near-minimum wage, that's almost half of one's income. Add to that utilities, food, and all the other shebang, not much left. And then come the loans. Fuck them. Fuck all of it.

I'm stuck. I can't move forward. I dream of the day when I'll break out of this circle. Step aside, let it roll on, like the wheel of misfortune that it truly is. I want to escape, run away to some faraway place, never come back. Abandon everything behind, and create a new life some new place.

These are only dreams, and probably the only thing worth living for at the moment. Nothing rouses passion like anger. And I'm so angry at my own powerlessness that it fuels my inner fire. I want to destroy everything of that system which keeps us chained. Rebuild anew. Create a world where young people aren't so fucking hindered as soon as they reach adulthood. How are we supposed to build a better tomorrow if we can't even afford our today?